No Jokes on Zardari or Rehman Malik, Please!

In 2006-07, Washington brokered a ‘deal’ with an outgoing military ruler to restore democracy in the country. Pundits warned that Benazir Bhutto and her husband weren’t exactly democrats. Washington needed yes-men in Islamabad. It got what it wanted. This is how American-imposed democracy looks like in Pakistan today.


You have to give it to Pakistan’s civilian dictators. This is their second major anti-democratic action in less than a week.

The first was the scrapping of town and city governments across Pakistan. These governments challenged the 60-year old monopoly of the politician-landlords of Pakistan and their powerful families. The ‘local’ governments empowered middle and lower class Pakistanis for the first time. Ironically it was a military-led government that introduced the system. It had some flaws but it did make more Pakistanis part of the decision making process.

It was a matter of time before the combined Pakistani political elite struck down the local governments. Interestingly, all Pakistani politician-landlords, the feudal arbiters of Pakistan’s destiny, are united on this. No surprises here.

The crack down on expression through SMS and the Internet is the least that the elected government can do. For example they can’t do much about the 50+ independent television news channels in the country licensed under the last military-led government.

While there is no question that Pakistan needs cybercrime legislation to regulate the alternative media, the problem with the new act is that it is designed to stifle and punish legitimate criticism. Much of the legitimate political criticism on Internet and harmless jokes through SMS messages will be blocked by this new law.

Interior Minister Rehman Malik gave three reasons and three layers to the new draconian cybercrime law:

1. To protect lady members of parliament who receive abusive calls or text messages.

2. To curb ‘slander’ against the ‘political leadership’ of the country; the loosely defined ‘cyber crimes’ are punishable by a 14-year jail term.

3. To prevent terrorist or banned groups from using the Internet for propaganda against the Pakistani military.

There is no question that the main aim of this law is the point number 2 above, to counter criticism against the PPP-led government.

The Pakistani military and the female parliamentarians [points 1 and 3 above] were dragged in as camouflage.

I am accused of being soft on the Pakistani military and I am yet to see any significant Internet propaganda against the Pakistani military by terrorists or banned groups. The complaints of lady politicians can be handled through existing laws. The only party that faces constant criticism and ridicule for its policies through SMS messages and emails is the PPP-led government. There is no other reason for the cybercrime law.

The ‘Democratic’ Government’s Previous Attempts

The PPP-led government tried to crack down on SMS and emails last month when it levied a new tax on all text messages. The tax was going to ruin this source of revenue for Pakistan’s five cellular companies and send a wrong signal to one of the fastest growing sectors of the Pakistani economy.

As soon as the tax was announced, a text message began making the rounds in Urdu that can be roughly translated as, ‘The government has imposed a tax on all messages. This means that until now President Zardari was getting abused for free. Now he’ll get paid every time someone abuses him!’

Mr. Zardari’s Spelling Mistakes

Another proof of how this law is not as innocent as it sounds is the PPP-led government’s first brush with Internet and SMS criticism last year.

In September 2008, Mr. Zardari visited the Mausoleum of The Great Leader [Pakistan’s Founding Father] in Karachi and jotted down a few words in the visitors’ book. It turned how he made some embarrassing spelling mistakes. Someone photographed the page using a cell phone and posted it online.

The government and party spokespeople said the picture was fake. But one of Pakistan’s senior most columnists, Ardeshir Cowasjee, investigated the matter on the ground and exposed the real story. It turned out the President’s men were sent to remove the page and rewrite the message with the corrections. [

Click to see this story as relayed by Mr. Cowasjee].

Incensed at the embarrassment, Mr. Rehman Malik, a former director of the Federal Investigations Agency [FIA] was assigned to punish those publicizing the President’s spelling skills. No less than the official news agency, the APP, was ordered to issue a warning to Pakistanis on sending SMS messages and emails on the subject. [Click to see the story].

Rehman Malik’s Hurt

The question is: Why now? What exactly prompted Interior Minister Rehman Malik, a powerful aide to President Zardari and a former director of FIA to introduce the new cybercrime act?

A day before unveiling the new law, an anonymous writer posted a revealing report on Internet that explained how Mr. Malik and Mr. Zardari contacted Indian intelligence and agents from Israel’s Mossad spy agency and promised them information on Pakistan’s nuclear program in exchange for money. [Click here to see the report. Or click here for an alternative link.]

The report said that the activities of both Mr. Malik and Mr. Zardari were the main reason behind the dismissal in 1996 of Mrs. Benazir Bhutto’s government. Zardari was a minister and Malik was running the FIA.

Several versions of this story have been circulating in Pakistan for the past several years. But the new Internet version is the first time that someone has articulated what happened in a detailed report rich in references and names. No one knows for sure if the story is true. Neither Mr. Malik nor Mr. Zardari has commented on the allegations now or ever.

The fact remains that issues such as Mr. Zardari’s initial foreign policy blunders with Pakistan’s traditional allies China and Saudi Arabia, his apologetic policy toward a belligerent India, his embrace of Hamid Karzai who is seen in Pakistan as an American puppet, his US-brokered rise to power, and the questionable source of the immense wealth that he and his close aide Mr. Malik have accumulated after their stints in power, not to mention the general revulsion in Pakistan toward unimaginative and incapable politicians, all of this will ensure that both of them and their closest aides will remain on the hit list of political satirists.

The question is: Can Pakistan’s self-styled democrats take it?